how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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