I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
