i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
