i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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