Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
