I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
