so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
