Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
