He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
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Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
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I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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