I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
