You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
