Those balls look pretty dangerous.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
