well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
