I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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