The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
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Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
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I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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