you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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