So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
