Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
