The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
