he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
