Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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