He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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