My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
