some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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