there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
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on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
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Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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