I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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