Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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