Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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