So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
