This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
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I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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