So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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