so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You can't just leave with hair like that
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
