The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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