It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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