i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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