she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
