i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
