The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
