I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
