So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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