saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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