dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
