I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
