Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
