I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
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you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
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I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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