if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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