What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
