Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
