I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
