i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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