my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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