i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
