Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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