Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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