So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
