Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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