Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
