Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
