??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
