last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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