I wish life had little blips of pornography
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
