There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
