My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
